enter my thoughts :)

ito ang ginagawa ng mga taong bored at hindi pa dinadalaw ng antok… ang magsulat ng “25 nonsense random facts about me” (nakikiuso). I will list those that are not yet written in my FS profile.

1. noong bata ako, paborito kong makipag baril-barilan with boys in my neighborhood. i even made my own gun from scrap woods. fave hideout was up the sarisa tree!
2. lumipat kami sa sarili naming bahay noong grade 2 ako; all the while i thought kami ang may-ari nung nirerentahan naming bahay sa avenue.
3. hindi ako mahilig gumamit ng kumot. except kung maginaw.
4. adik ako sa moskitero. hehe. can’t sleep without it. at dapat hihigaan ko to.
5. i hate mint candies and  chocolates with mint. eow.
6. i loove hershey’s kisses. hid a pitcher of kisses in my closet when i was young.
7. i don’t crave for junkfoods. kung meron, eh di eat, pag wala, ok lang.
8. gusto kung subukang maging dubber ng anime o cartoons (ung mga tagalized especially).
9. nag-enroll ako sa bsbio hindi dahil sa gusto ko kundi dahil dun nag-enroll ang two of my HS barkadas. i had no choice then since i wasnt allowed to study in davao. i was too dependent daw. ouch.
10. i love milk. and dairy products.
11. adik ako ke michael jackson. but did not cry when he died. aw.
12. sobrang liit ng handwriting ko that my classmates always complain they cannot copy from me during exams.
13. during meetings and seminars, i doodle on my paper or draw the person talking - to battle boredom.
14. when we climbed the peak of mt. apo in 2006, sa sobrang ginaw, pinagsisihan ko bakit ako umakyat and wished for a helicopter that instant para sunduin na ako.
15. may crush ako na girl nung college that i always look for her in the crowd and parang lumulundag heart ko sa tuwa when i finally see her. ahaha.
16. lagi ako late nung highschool at college. at kahit ngaun sa work. takaw-tulog, sobra.
17. pinagalitan ako ni christian bautista nung sinabi kong “sex” instead of “cheese” during a photo shoot with him. “how old are you?!” sabi. “23!” hahaha.
18. i don’t eat kentucky beans. and kalabasa. i so love alugbati.
19. i can clean the whole house and wash all the dishes, but hate washing clothes, please! (people always say “wow” when they see me washing my clothes) hehe.
20. peyborit palaman sa sandwich: guava jelly! (ung lady’s choice na brand, nothing else). heaven on earth, ahaha.
21. nung cguro mga 6-7 y.o. ako, we used to blow balloons out of these elastic and colorful latex; which i later realized na condoms pala! haha. eh bakit kc binebenta sa sari-sari store?!
22. i do my own manicure and pedicure. na-trauma nung nakita ang kuko ng isang college prof, sobrang lalim at ampangit na kc laging nagpapapedicure. yay.
23. sobrang iniyakan ko ang “one more chance” dati. feeling ko relate na relate ako sa character ni bea at sa story. “pwedeng ako na lng uli?!” hehe.
24. umiyak ako ng 5 straight hours fr davao city to SF, agusan  inside the bus when my niece dinky went home to London that same day
25. biggest regret: i burned my HS diary during college, afraid that mamang will read it when she started rummaging cleaning my closet . sayang. sayang tlg.

A shameful realization dawned upon me this week. I did not know EDSA history. People started hanging yellow ribbons the day a great woman leader died. In an instant, yellow fever plagued the country. I was nonchalant. Not even bothering to have a peek on the TV to see the news. I was busy beating the deadline for a school assignment. All over the country, everything is about Cory. Everyone tweeted her, everyone facebooked her, everyone blogged about her. Last Monday, thousands of people raised yellow flags, showered yellow confetti, wore yellow clothes, all to pay tribute for a great woman they say as the Mother of Philippine Democracy. I was nonchalant. I was too busy preparing for a two-day activity on vermicomposting. Not even bothering to lift the pages of the PDI across my table that has changed its usual blue heading into yellow. I am amused more than sympathetic. So amused that I had to put a status on my YM that said “yellow fever all over the country”. Not that I understand why it is as such, but rather wondering why it is as such. It’s amusement and sarcasm at the same time. When Cory started dying and people started praying fervently to their gods that her life be extended or she be spared from further pain, I was fervently praying for a longer patience at work.

I did not know EDSA history. And the reality belittled me. As I was watching some of the scenes during Cory’s funeral and saw the Filipinos in fervor, chanting Cory’s name, thanking her, adoring her, I started understanding the yellow plague. Cory Aquino was indeed a somebody, a somebody worth dying for, a somebody worthy of the outpouring admiration from people from all walks of life. The President of East Timor waited for 7 hours at the Memorial Park to bid his final farewell to a friend. That for me is humility, one virtue the President claims he acquired from Cory.

In 1986 at 5 years old, I was too young to be bothered by revolutions, insurgencies and uprisings. Pathetic excuse i just realized. It was shameful that i didn’t even know what the L sign means. A classmate who claimed he had made Cory smiled twice during her presidency needed to tell me that L stands for Laban. All because i didn’t know EDSA history.

Last Tuesday, I got hold of a 1986 issue of The Philippine Star which featured the then-President Cory Aquino’s speech in the US State Congress. My landlady has kept it in her magazine rack for 23 years! She was one of those thousands of people in EDSA on that fateful day in 1986. “Patay kung patay!” she said were the words coming from the mouths of Filipinos who came out into the streets armed with nothing but bruised hearts and wounded souls. Hungry for democracy, angry at oppression. I was so ecstatic as i held a piece of history in its tattered and torn out form. Cory’ speech was said to have set the House on fire as the members of the Senate and the house of Representatives “applauded lustily 13 times, with two prolonged standing ovations”. This and all other clippings from the EDSA Revolution, first hand accounts from my landlady Ate Ai, and the information from the world wide web, made me no longer ignoramus of this historical event. But of course, there are still more to know and to learn. I told a college-mate who commented my post in FB about Cory’s greatness this: “siempre we were too young to understand EDSA Revo then. but it aint an excuse. coz as they said, younger generations need to know the country’s history so they can help in solving the country’s problems. natamaan ako dun, wapaak!” hehe. I got that line when researching for what the abbreviation ATOM stands for. It’s August Twenty One Movement! (*grins).

On a lighter note, in addition to the songs written and sung for Cory, i am also dedicating a song for her. It is Coldplay’s Yellow. The lyrics are perfect for the country’s star that has shone upon us even at her death.

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah they were all yellow,

I came along
I wrote a song for you
And all the things you do
And it was called yellow

So then I took my turn
Oh all the things I’ve done
And it was all yellow

I already heard a lot of stories during my entire years of existence - stories that made me laugh and stories that made me cry. but nothing would beat the story i heard just a year ago from my father while exchanging jokes and anecdotes over lunch. it is one story that made me cry and laugh at the same time. it is the story of my mother giving birth to me on the early dawn of july 26, twenty-eight years ago.

according to pap, mamang started to labor past midnight. but because she doesn’t want to go to the hospital, she stayed at home instead. before 3:00 am, papang went out to fetch the friendly-neighborhood komadrona. but even before they arrive, i was already saying hello to the world! the komadrona had to only cut my umbilical cord and clean me up.

pap said that mam did not feel a lot of pain giving birth to me. she even said “ansarap umere”. you see, she seemed just blown a big fart, came out baby me and breathed a sigh of relief…

ayon, i was joking my siblings that “inutot lang pala ako ni mamang”. hehe.

me and pap; in fairness, mataba ako nung baby pa, hehe.

if mamang is alive, i would be hearing this story straight from her. and today, i would ask her to tell me that story again. on how she had blown a big fart, came out baby me and breathed a sigh of relief…

okay, okay, no tears today! it’s my birthday, ahehe

bulilit, bulilit

btw, along with this story is my question to papang “saan galing pangalan ko?” He just shrugged his shoulders and offered the best answer he could think of - from a milk’s brand name which was famous back then! Not that i didn’t know that. But recently, i stumbled upon a Nora Aunors’ movie entitled BONA; incidentally, that film was released in 1981, the year i was born. Hmm, so there goes the inspiration for my name, huh. Maybe that movie made mamang cried a bucket of tears that is why she named me after its protagonist. but ahm… i think id rather be associated with a milk than with ms. nora aunor, ahehe. id rather live with the tagline “batang may laban” than with “walang himala!”. lol.

wala akong magawa kaya gagawa na lang ako ng isang makabuluhang napapanahong komentaryo:

ok, sino pa kayang tao dito sa Pilipinas ang hindi nakakaalam sa katrina-hayden kho scandal… araw-araw ay halos nasa tv, dyaryo, radyo, internet, tsismis… the issue is so “sizzling hot” (borrowing dr. hayden’s comment to katrina in one of the videos) that everyone has something to say. nakakatawa nga kasi, the authorities will say “wag niyo na pong tangkilikin o panoorin ang mga ganitong klaseng video”, eh sila nga i’m sure napanood din nila, nyahaha.

pero sa tingin ko, ang dapat sisihin sa pagkalat ng videos na ito ay hindi ang mga taong nanaood dito o namirata/ nagpakalat nito… kundi ang media, sino pa nga ba!? tama bang ipangalandakan sa front page ng newspapers (PDI in yesterday’s ish) at sa national TV prime time news programs ang snapshots (prinint screen ata) ng sex videos na siempre ginawang blurred para hindi ma-MTRCB at para kunyari wholesome pa rin. hindi nga ba ang tao, hindi tumatangkilik ng isang bagay kung hindi naman niya ito nakikita (what do you think are the advertisements/ patalastas for). so ngayon, dahil sa nakita ng tao sa tv at newspaper na talagang may video nga, eh ang tendency, mas lalo niya itong tatangkilikin. hello, simpleng logic. dapat hindi na nila (tv and print) papakita ang mga blurred pictures na yan. these only tickle the imagination of the viewers/ readers. these only arouse the interest of the audience. nakakainis. ay oo nga pala, siempre human interest ito, mas mabebenta sa tao mga ganitong issue kaya todo sakay ang media.

ito pa isang nakakainis, bakit nga ba mas uunahin pa ng mga Senators na pag-ukulan ng time (at privilege speech) ang mga ganitong issue. duh. you are not helping katrina and the other women or children na naabuso umano sa mga kalaswaang ganito. mas lalo lang adding insult to injury. puwede ba, manahimik na alng kayo at gumawa na lang ng batas (against internet porno, sex videos and the like…) at ipatupad; at hindi mag-aantay ng human interest stories/ issues na sasakyan niyo lang. para tuloy mas lumalabas kayong tsismoso kesa sa amin eh.

katrina, hindi ko pa napapanood ang sex video mo. wala naman akong access dun. yun nga lang, nagka-LSS na ako sa Careless Whisper na yan. hehe.

Got addicted to this commercial. Rolling on the floor laughing especially sa scene na kumakain ung bata. ang kyuuuuuut! Sa mga hindi nakakaalam, the kid is a 4-year old girl; her name is cha-cha cañeta, mainstay ng Goin’ Bulilit.

Bulilit bulilit
Sanay sa masikip
Kung kumilos kumilos
Kay liit liit.
Bulilit
Kung kumilos
Kay liit liit.

some random thoughts for the week:

• i am dying to see x-men origins: wolverine on big screen. bakit kasi ala matinong sinehan dito sa cotabato city. tuloy kelangan ko pang dumayo ng davao city. ang tanong kelan? at worth it bang bumiyahe ng limang oras para lamang makita ang adamantium ni Logan?
• was speechless when i heard juday’s wedding march. “Runaway” is my dream wedding march! waah naunahan ako. sad. tsk tsk.
• so happy with minilyrics (tnx poi). puwede ko nang sabayan ang mediaplayer. ahehe. instant videoke sa pc.
• i so love katy perry’s “Thinking of You”. and the video, galing. The Notebook ang effect. tried so hard to play the song in the guitar. TH kaayo ;(
• speaking of gitara, bumalik interes ko to learn. promised a friend to teach him the basics. ahaha, di lang nahiya, di naman magaling, magtuturo na.
• my cellphone doesn’t work! heck, have no plans of buying a new one pa naman…
• i am addicted to Facebook’s quizzes. mas nakikilala ko sarili ko. nalaman ko na ako talaga ay may multiple personality disorder at ang superpower ko ay telepathy at ang 6th sense ko ay clairvoyance! haha.
• my supervisor said today that i am her answered prayer. shucks. natakot tuloy ako. baka madisappoint siya at pagsisihan nyang ipinagdasal niya akong makasama sa work. i hate disappointing people pa naman. it disappoints me!
• tuwang-tuwa ako ke aling dionesia, hehe. loves to see her on TV and read her in the news (bumile ako ng damit para isuksok ko sa bertdey ko…). i know a very funny tsismis about her, haha.
• may nickname na ako para sa future pamangkin ko if ever babae siya - ARWEN from Arkhe and Wendy’s name. cool diba? ung princess ng Elven sa LOTR.
• missed billiards! tama, yayayain ko si best next week.
• parang gus2 ko ulit magkeep ng diary. marami kasi mga bagay na gusto ko isulat na hindi puwede dito sa blog… secrets, hmmm.
• for me, there is nothing wrong with martin’s rendition of Lupang Hinirang. sorry NHI, pero oa lang kau. tama, mas importanteng feel na feel mong pinoy ka habang kinakanta niya un. I love martin’s statement: “i sang it like it was the last song i’ll ever sing”. hahay, you can never please everybody jud.
• one of my boardmates teases me of being “swerte sa lovelife”. aw. knock on wood! hehe (basi mabuyagan).
• Kiko Machine and Pugad-Baboy comics strips are my everyday comic relief providers. officemates always say “katawa lagi ka?” since di ko napipigilang humagighik sa sobrang babaw na humor (note to myself: buy KM comic books).
• 

yehey, pwede ko nang i-declare na officially tapos na ang summer season ng 2009 kasi i was able to go for a summer getaway with my barkada last april 25-26 @ walang-kamatayang Samal Island sa Davao ;). Sadly though, from twelve girls who usually spend summer together, we were down to only four this year. 1/3 na lang pwedeng gumala, nakatali na iba eh, hehe (next summer holidays, let us bring our kids and hubbies together, para makumpleto nman tayo, wahaha).

exactly ten years ago today, someone that is a big part of me bid her final farewell. she was only 42 years old. she was a teacher by profession but decided to leave her family in 1992 to work as a domestic helper in hongkong and taiwan. in december 1998, she finally went home for good and supposedly in june 1999, she will resume her teaching career. her former school and her former colleagues were already waiting for her.

but it never happened. once again she bid farewell. but this time, there will never be reunions, there will never be coming back home, there will never be balikbayan boxes, there will never be an Editha Salcedo Buyco Hilario again.

ten years…but the pain is still there. grabe, ansakit pa rin. as i am writing this, i couldn’t stop the tears to trickle down my cheeks; ansikip ng dibdib ko. ten years of crying alone, ten years of secretly wiping my tears that freely flow down my cheeks whenever i remember her in public, ten years of dreaming of her and waking up crying. ten years of wishful thinking that she is still alive. ten years… but I do still hope that someone will pinch me or punch me and wake me up from the nightmare…

april 10, 1999. our family’s on the way to mamang’s hometown where a fiesta awaits us. i still remember the last conversation we had inside that car; mamang was asking me if i do like bsbiology (I was in my first year of college then); she was worried that i was only pressured to enroll in that course since they didn’t let me enroll at davao city and pursue bsmasscom. i just shrugged and kept quiet and mom just told me ‘puwede ka pa rin naman magshift kung gusto mo”…

…and then i woke up in a hospital bed. puzzled and nauseous, i looked around the room and saw macoy in a chair beside me. i asked him the obvious, “nasaan ako?”, “nasa ospital kayo”, “anong nagyari?”, “nadisgrasya kayo”, “ha? nasaan sina papang?”, “nasa kabilang kwarto”, “ah ok”…then retreated to sleep, not the slightest idea that that the accident we’ve met was so tragic it would change our lives forever. it must be the drugs they gave me that i couldn’t remember how many hours or days i have fallen asleep. when I woke up again, it was Nanay (mamang’s mother) i saw beside my bed. i noticed that we were in another room and that there were many people inside that room, mamang’s sisters and some relatives. when Nanay suddenly burst into tears, i asked her, “bakit?”, “Wala na mama niyo…”. it took me a while to comprehend just what she said and just stared blankly at her. i only started crying when the people in the room started to cry.

of all my siblings, it was our youngest whom we last broke the sad news of mamang’s death. he was asking us one time if where is mamang and why is she not visiting us in the hospital. fighting back tears, i lied and told him that mamang returned to taiwan to work so we can pay for our hospital bills. but weeks after and still in the hospital, together with my siblings, we finally told him that mamang already left us. “Anong iniwan?”, “Iyon ngang nasa ilalim na siya ng lupa”. i did not need explain further because ige already cried. We all cried. (wait, break muna, umiiyak na naman ako…)

mamang missed my college graduation; she could have seen me finish my bsbiology degree although I did not like it from the start. she even missed my debut which we were planning months ahead before the accident. she told me, “ako magtatahi ng gown mo” and showed me the fabric she will use. but then there was no gown; and the fabric remained as it is. sadly, i did not have a chance to bond with mamang very well. she was abroad for more than six years and she was away even before i started reaching puberty; she was not there when i had my first mens and my brothers teased me when i started crying when i saw the blood on my shorts. mamang was away most of the time during the special and awkward moments of my life. but i did not blame her for that. i never questioned why she need to work as a domestic helper when in fact she is a teacher. i used to think that mamang and i were not closed and that it is my kuya that she is fond of the most. but it was okay for me, because i believed that papang is also more fond of me than my kuya. quits lang.

today i wonder how does mamang looks like when she is still alive. she will be 52 years old by then. is she strict? I remembered her being masungit. would i be working in NGOs if she is still alive? she must have advised me to follow her profession. would i be married by now? baka hindi un papayag na umabot ako ng 27 na hindi pa nag-aasawa. would she also be blogging just like arkhe and me? mamang’s a good writer and i believe that i got the skills from her. if she is still alive, would i tell her my secrets? would i tell her my heartaches? would she cope for those years that she missed during my adolescence? would we bond like no other mag-ina does? a lot of endless questions; i know arkhe, macoy, denden and ige also have theirs…

Ten years… but i still ask God why…

i remembered this anecdote about my first LRT ride experience. The memory still makes me chuckle

I am a fifth grader then and went with my father to Manila who attended a convention. We will be riding an LRT that day and Pap gave me the token/coin he bought from the booth so we can pass by the gate. Since it was my first time, i was very clueless; i didn’t know what to do with the token and looked at the teller behind the booth. She must have read through my ignorance innocence and simply said “ihulog mo“. The very obedient young girl that i am, i mindlessly dropped the token right on the floor! Yay, everyone around me laughed; Pap immediately picked up the token while explaining my ignorance to the teller “pasensya na, first time kasi”.

(Eh sabi kasi ihulog, eh di hinulog ko sa sahig, wahahaha. Dapat complete instruction: ihulog mo sa butas, lol).

wala lang, trip ko lang i-show off this collage i made from different pictures i took of my stuffed toys, some knicknacks and cartoon figures. I love it! It’s my current desktop wallpaper, wahaha. Thanks to Adobe Photoshop and PhotoScape hehe

in the picture: 2 Stitch i found in ukay-ukay, a sylvester chair cover, miniature parasols for cocktail drinks, shells from siargao, some stuffed toys that are crowding in the closet, some cartoon figures (donkey, dory, chicken little, a penguin from surf’s up, boo and sully) i collected, the “berkz” pen holder my berks gave me, and the wooden “abigail” i bought in Intramuros. Yeah, because i am an artist am a vandal, my name was written all over my closet door using my glow-in-the-dark glue pen. lol.

Gradweyt na si bunso, sa wakas. Sa papilay-pilay nyang pamamaraan (literally and figuratively), ay nagawa niyang magtapos ng BS CompSci at mag top sa klase. Hehe congratz E! We are proud of you. Mamang is also proud of you. Ang bunso nya gradweyt na. Sayang lang, she won’t see you receive your college diploma (kagaya nang hindi niya rin nakita ang pagtanggap nmin ng diploma ni Arkhe at Macoy, sniff…(at talagang isiningit>).

Goodluck with your plans. Yeah, the juice was worth the squeeze, sabi nga ni macoy. Pero wala ka man lang orginality, un tagline ni macoy nung grumadweyt xa eh. Nyahaha. Anyway huwag muna mag-asawa, paunahin mo muna ako, harhar ^^

this afternoon, i brought home an expanded envelope bulging with papers that needed my attention. i am supposed to work tonight, i promised my supervisor to finish consolidating the pre-tests and post-tests, that started piling up early last year even before i got in the project, and submit the report on tuesday. but then i don’t feel like doing it. i still can’t get over the petty fight i had with Best just this afternoon. it is about a digicam i asked him to buy for me (i’ve finally moved on and accepted the reality that my old dear Canon has to retire). But Best bought me the wrong one! the specs and the design are right though, but hell, the color is so wrong! he got me a pink digicam! i got so pissed off i wanted to cry. all the while i was imagining a bloody red digicam (whatever model/brand i did not care) as agreed; but everything went blurry when he texted me he got pink instead. ouch. sigh… okay, i am not really against pink. but can i have a powder blue instead? anything but pink. pink is not just so right for me especially for a camera that i will bring with me everyday. whew. my best told me it was a best buy for the price and the function. huh, tell that to the marines. alright. i won’t complicate things anymore. i just wished i could spray pylox all over the cam and repaint it with the color i really liked…

the pink one

the red one

yeah, i know, the pink one looks more classy and looks really better. but my stubbornness refuses to give in (as of this moment). i don’t care about the class, the better look. for me, the color is what counts the most. the pink one is so girly and kikay, it is not me. yeah, i am so particular with my things that even the shallowest detail matters. Shallow details make me shallow, urgh.

but i must admit, i haven’t seen yet the camera my Best bought. i may love it or hate it more. so for now (as i promised him), i will keep my mouth shut.

♥

p.s. thank you pa rin best, for the effort…