enter my thoughts :)

Lately, i feel so useless. I am here in the office doing nothing, yet i am being paid. I have a contract until september 2008, for work i don’t know what yet. Don’t get me wrong, sure, i have my job description and my TOR (terms of reference). But what if you think that all the jobs you are supposed to do you have already done and what is left is the "whatever is assigned by the project coordinator" job. Now, that would remain you clueless - what to do next? Well, i still have reports to do but that is every quarter - so until it is not yet end of the quarter, you are again useless. Sigh. There are this "Bon, pls. assist me; pls. edit this; pls. do this for me"..but hell, these do not take much of my time, either. After, i am useless, again. Sigh.

Yeah i know, i should find other things to make my time productive. There is the internet for me to start of. Yeah, the internet provides me with Flyff, with friendster, with flickr, with youtube - hell yes, they are productive for me but that makes me unproductive for others. I have plenty of time for my self yet i am not satisfied. In fact, i am bored. Very. Bored and tired. Tired of waiting. Tired of seeing myself sitting infront of my Flatron monitor, with my officemates scurrying around, beating their deadlines. Yeah, i do help them once in a while, but still, these do not take much of my time, either. I do envy those people who seems to be preoccupied and treats times a god - so precious. I guess, i am a person who wants action, feeling the adrenaline rush, testing my limits.

I do not know if the place has got something to do with my state right now. I am in a 3rd class municipality with very few things to offer. No malls to unwind yourself, limited school curriculum to enroll yourself, no interesting sports/hobby to indulge yourself. Only tons of ukay to make yourself broke. This place is like a cage, that encloses me, that strains the life out of me. Or is it just the middle-aged crisis, huh. Don’t know what to do, don’t know where to go, yet hesitant to try something new and somewhere new.

My time is for sale or for lease. Do you want? Pls. contact me at this number 09193282639. Ha-ha. No, i am serious. Until, i still don’t know what to do with my time, you can hire me. Do you want me to kill someone? I’ll do it. That will take plenty of my time, planning my moves. Aw, that is a joke, the rests are not though. Tsk, i am getting stupid again. Clueless. Bored. Stupid. Wow, perfect. Waaaaah! Help!

Ngaung katatapos lng ng holy week and the Lord Jesus has once again resurrected from the dead, i myself is also planning to resurrect. Resurrect from my long silence, from my deep slumber, from my hibernation/dormant period. I am resurrecting and trying to revive my blog site that seems to be dead already ‘coz i seem to forget that i have one. Maybe, the cyberworld had a lot to offer me than blogging kaya nadisregard ko ito. My Friendster account is merely enough to express myself, though. Kaya nakakatamad na to put construct words into sentences, into paragraphs, into something nice to read. I just don’t know why i have this urge that had arisen from deep within me na gusto uling subukan ang blogging. Aysus, ang haba ng eksplanasyon ko. Maybe i realized that your pictures may say anything about you or merely looking at them can already explain what fun time you had, but still, written words are important to support your pictures and the memories.

Well, i started by changing the template and the design (i hope that it helps) of my once pink-laden blog although the effort was limited since the designs available are also limited. I went for the white design because I think that my mind is at peace right now. Thus, my blog design represents my state of mind at the moment. Just like my friendster layouts which i constanly change depending on my state of mind (thanks to friendster-layouts which is a very friendly site and its very trouble-free cut&paste code). Oh well, para na rin hindi boring sa paningin ko.

For the next days, i will try again to write here and let you enter my thoughts, once again. Although i think na ako lng nman nagbabasa nito. Anyway, it will also be good for me since most of the time, mabilis kong nakakalimutan kung gaano ako kasaya, kung gaano ako nainis o kung gaano ako nasaktan in certain situations. Reading a previous blog will remind me how (just like my bittersweet november blog from 2 years ago, whew, i didn’t know i was that eager to leave bxu then, wahaha).  Also, blogging they say provides relief. Sana. Sana.